I sat at my wooden, oak desk in my bedroom like I normally do every Sunday ready to face the Sunday Scaries with confidence. I had a long list of things that needed to be accomplished before Monday, and my desk was usually the place I would wrestle away the anxieties that came with the to do list.

Perched on the surface of the desk, my mint green cup of coffee read, “She Led a Life of Endless Possibilities,” plastered in gold cursive on the front. My coffee was my only companion on this sunny, yet crisp fall afternoon. I tightly gripped the handle of the green cup, and carefully brought the edge to my lips. Instantly, I winced at the hot, bitter taste of caffeine, as I simultaneously pulled open the top left drawer of my desk. I rummaged around until I had a steady grasp on my large white journal, my black, worn out bible, and a brown Jesus Calling Devotional- a ritual I have been following every day since I was 15 years old.

Opening up the brown, leather Jesus Calling book to the November 19th page, I read the first two lines:

“LEAVE OUTCOMES up to ME. Follow me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out.”

Leaning back into my gray, metal chair, I let the words sink into my busy brain. I thought for a second, how often had I truly left outcomes up to God?

How often did I try to form my own outcomes, manipulating and changing situations to meet my own wants and expectations?

How many times had I worried, or stressed over things that were truly out of my control?

As I continued to ponder on my daily devotional, I looked up at the cork board on the wall above my desk. Pictures of friends and family were scattered around the brown board. My black and white-ESU Field Hockey captain band hung as a reminder of one of my major life accomplishments. Above the band, I saw a square piece of paper that read:

“I will write a book and call it A GLIMPSE IN TIME.”

Huh, I continued to think to myself. That never came to fruition.

I remember writing on that small index card at the age of 16. An age where life was filled with hope and endless possibilities. That index card has been pinned to this very cork board and traveled from my childhood house, to my dorm room in college, to my first, then second college house, and back home here once again to my childhood bedroom.

That little crinkled index card with that measly small dream has survived 13 years on that cork board.

Weird. I thought. Then the words, “Endless Possibilities” came to the forefront of my mind.

ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES- just like my mint, green cup read.

“She led a life of endless possibilities.”

“Leave outcomes up to me.” Also rang loudly in my head.

Putting two and two together I knew my dream of writing wasn’t 100 percent dead.

You see, I gave up on that dream a long time ago because I did not think my story was worth telling any more. I let the busy and rushed parts of life get in the way of something I truly enjoyed doing. I thought others would judge me for taking a chance and putting my words out there, because adults don’t take chances or pursue dreams. They work to get money, to pay bills, and keep up with ALL the responsibilities that come with being an adult.

Or, so, that is what I thought.

Recently, I am learning -or well unlearning all of the lies that I have been believing about what I can and cannot do. I am redefining who I am and taking those chances that do lead to the endless possibilities of life.

So, that leads me to this- I am restarting this blog because I feel like I have a truth to speak, and words to share. I am learning that we all have influence-whether it is small, or large- to impact those around us.

To be frank, I was afraid of stepping into this influence in fear of being judged, or ridiculed. Consequently, I started this blog as a mere child SO THAT my voice could be heard. I wrote because I just enjoyed it and I wanted my thoughts to resonate with the world around me. I wanted people to get something from my writing.

Along the way, I became afraid of what people thought. I started to make myself small because of fear.

Fear of my own voice.

Fear of others.

How often do we do this? Make ourselves small to fit into the world around us. We try to please others, desperately wanted to be liked. We don’t do things because we want acceptance or validation from others, and the second we throw that all away the fear settles like dust settling on the ground.

Fear holds us back.

It makes us stagnant.

So, as I promised myself long ago- here I promise myself again. I am vowing to step out of fear. To step out of the box that needing validation, and acceptance gets me, and I am leaving the outcomes up to God.

I am leading a life of endless possibilities, and I am starting with this very post.

I hope you find the same courage as I am to step out, trust the great unknown- and live for the endless possibilities that life might offer you.

God Bless,

L.Blum