Unfinished: When You Feel like You are Not Good Enough.

UNFINISHED_ when you feel like you are not good enough

 

I gazed inquisitively at the waves as they crashed one after another on the solid, sandy shore. In front of the place where I was sitting, two young girls were laughing, screaming and jumping in the water. Their playful screams echoed through the roar of the ocean as  each wave came crashing at their feet. I giggled to myself at their innocence and thought for a second, when did growing up become so hard? 

I observed the two young girls laugh and enjoy life without a care in the world and it brought me back to memories when my sister and I stood in their shoes. I remember sitting on these very beaches in North Carolina at their age, running, jumping, dancing in the sun with my sister. We were so little and so innocent. The world did not touch us with pain, hurt, and the realities of life just yet.

When did growing up become so hard_

I remember pretending we were queens of the ocean, and mermaids who explored the deep sea to find hidden underwater cities. We had ambitions and dreams to be leaders, actors, teachers, and world changers. We pretended to be wonderful beings with a wonderful life, living out our biggest dreams, goals and ambitions. We had the world at our fingertips imagining anything and everything we have ever wanted. That was when life was good, easy. It was innocent, with no hurt, no pain, no people influencing you to be who they want you to be. It just was. And it was good.

When we were all children we played, we explored, we laughed, and we enjoyed life to its fullest. We had a childlike faith that was unshakable. We all believed in ourselves, our abilities, and our aspirations.

When did the world take those beliefs away? When did life become the daily to-do lists, or the anxieties, the worries, or the pressures of measuring up to the world’s standards and the opinions of others? 

I think in some aspect or another everyone has confronted this loss of innocence as we grow up and face the realities, disappointments and pain that life may inflict upon us. We each have these images of the person we want to be in our heads. That “ideal” being and “ideal” life we wish to live. We strive to be that perfect person that is good enough, smart enough, and CAN do everything that our real selves lack. We each strive to become that person, to do what it takes to change ourselves into this perfect version of who we are.

we will never be perfect

The reality is we will never measure up to that “ideal” version of ourselves. We will never be perfect. When we think we finally have one part of ourselves mastered, there will be another area to perfect, to work on, to strive towards, and this is OKAY.

I am not sure what path of life you may be on right now or the struggles you may be facing. Maybe you are struggling to find that perfect, suiting job. You are trying to change yourself to fit into the mold of the career path you chose; attempting to  perfect each quality to match the ideal job resume for the career you have chosen to pursue .

Maybe you are trying to live up to the perfect standards of parenthood, competing with all other parents around you, listening to the type of parent you should be, or what you should not do for your child.

Or maybe, you are listening to the opinions of others way too much, pleasing people rather than honoring yourself or your own choices. Maybe you are listening too much to the voices of those who tell you who you are, who you are not, and who you should be. You try to measure up to their worth, their standard, and come to find you let them down or fail every time you try to mold yourself to their ideals of who you are.

In actuality, we are imperfect beings trying to live in a society that pushes its standards of perfection on each one of us.

The truth is we are all unfinished, and imperfect. 

But let me tell you a little secret, by God’s grace, and perfection, our imperfections are made whole. What this means, is through our creator’s perfect eyes and love for us, he choose to create us as imperfect beings. It is through our imperfections we reflect what it really means to be human, to be flawed, to need a God who is loving and perfect in His entirety and covers our imperfections with His forgiveness, and His love. Thus, we do not have to live up to this standard of perfection we place on ourselves. We do not have to struggle, or try to be this “ideal” “perfect” version of who we want to be. Our worth is not measured on what others think of us, the amount of items we check off on our to-do list, our accomplishments, our failures, our struggles, or even our flaws.

god imperfections

 

Our worth is measured by who we are IN our IMPERFECTIONS. The unfinished versions of ourselves. 

I have this sweatshirt from one of my favorite Christian bloggers, Jordan Dooley, it says “your brokenness is welcome here.” Every time I wear it I remember I do not have to live up to these ideals of perfection. I do not have to continue to expend my energy trying to fix every little thing that is wrong with myself and my life. Instead, I can focus on God’s grace and love that covers my imperfections and my brokenness. I can focus on being the kind of woman God wanted me to be- kind, caring, passionate, loving, happy, excited for life. I can live a life of joy, happiness, and have that child-like faith and innocence like I had when I was younger. Life will still have its struggles, and its pain, but I know I don’t have to try so hard to be perfect, to be accepted, or to be who others want me to be, because I am already accepted, I am already loved, by a God who embraces me for the imperfect mess that I am.

 

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Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Whether you believe in God or not, trying to live up to the standards of society and the daily stresses of trying to be perfect, or enough for this world can weigh on you.

So instead of trying  to focus on perfecting  every aspect of who you are, or what you want your life to look like, love yourself in your imperfections, and the places where you are at in this moment of time. Go back to that little child inside of you, find him or her, the innocence, the happiness, the childlike faith and focus on living a life that brings out joy, happiness and love. Live in the imperfect moments, and accept the flaws you have, while striving not for perfection of those flaws, but of being a work in progress. Work hard to accomplish your dreams and goals, but know the imperfections and flaws do not define who you are.

You are unfinished and imperfect, a work in progress, and this is okay.

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Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

God bless,

L. Blum

 

 

 

 

 

Looking Back, While Moving Forward

Looking Back, While moving Forward

Closing Out Chapter 2017

 

With only a few unwritten pages left in the chapter twenty-seventeen, it is only right to finalize the ending with some closing remarks. Like any natural story, chapter endings end where the chapter really began -reflecting back on the previous chapter.

 

You see, chapter endings are really just strange pauses in a story. The last period, in the last sentence, on the last page, gives readers a chance to reflect on the chapter, it’s characters, plot, and the story as a whole, before beginning the first page in the next chapter of a book.

 

The celebration of the New Year is a lot like that last period, on the last page of a chapter.

The New Year is essentially the ending of one chapter and beginning of another, which gives us all a chance to reflect on our own stories, chapters, and characters within in them.

 

new year blog pic 1
For myself, as I look back on this last year I can definitely say that this year brought lots of tears, smiles, laughter, doubts, sadness, joy, anger, happiness, and much, much more. This year was a growing year to say the least.
As the year 2017 comes to a close, so does another chapter in my book.
2017 for me, began with heartbreak and loss – loss of love, loss of passion, and loss of myself. In the beginning, I tried everything to run from myself and the pain I felt. Instead of embracing the beauty of the pain, I ran away from it, and sprinted directly into the arms of this corrupt world. I saw myself in such a negative light. You see, I saw myself as a failure and incompetent to complete the goals I set out for myself from the beginning of the year. I felt purposeless and unworthy of love.

 

Reflecting back, it took a lot of circumstances, and a few individuals in particular to help redirect me onto the right path, a path of happiness, joy, opportunities, and most importantly, a path of love.

 

I am not sure what this last year brought you, maybe it was a year full of opportunities and great experiences. A written chapter that was filled with content and happiness that you wish you could relive all over again. Or maybe this year brought you set backs and loss. The year was a year you are happy to move on from.

 

Or maybe, just maybe, this year, like mine, was a growing year for you. A year of losing yourself, and finding you all over again. Maybe it was a year that allowed you to peel back yet another layer of yourself to get to know yourself better than before.

 

new year pic 2
You see to me, the New Year is not about the shallow resolutions we make for ourselves or changing who we are into a “new me” because it is a “new year.” We should be constantly evaluating our lives throughout the year, and adapting ourselves to the goals and aspirations we have set for ourselves all along. Just because it is a new year does not mean a person should leave who they are behind and chase after this idea of a completely different, “newer” and “better” version of themselves.

 

To me readers, the New Year is about celebrating the big moments and small moments that have accumulated over the course of the entire year prior. It is about the people we were when we first started the year and who we have become.

 

 

Is this new person wiser? Is he or she stronger? Has he or she overcome struggles and mountains to step into the person that is sitting here reading this post?
OR
Has this new person failed in some way? Did they have all of these plans and promises to oneself but the person sitting here is filled with regret, hopelessness, sorrow or doubt?
Regardless of who you were when you first entered the year and who you are now, there is an opportunity to move forward, to learn from the good and the bad, and step into the hope of a better future.

 

2018 new year

 

What do you want your new chapter to look like? How will you write it?

Feel free to like and share any thoughts in the comment section below!

 

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Processed with VSCO with g3 preset

 

God Bless and Happy New Year!

L.Blum