Unfinished: When You Feel like You are Not Good Enough.

UNFINISHED_ when you feel like you are not good enough

 

I gazed inquisitively at the waves as they crashed one after another on the solid, sandy shore. In front of the place where I was sitting, two young girls were laughing, screaming and jumping in the water. Their playful screams echoed through the roar of the ocean as  each wave came crashing at their feet. I giggled to myself at their innocence and thought for a second, when did growing up become so hard? 

I observed the two young girls laugh and enjoy life without a care in the world and it brought me back to memories when my sister and I stood in their shoes. I remember sitting on these very beaches in North Carolina at their age, running, jumping, dancing in the sun with my sister. We were so little and so innocent. The world did not touch us with pain, hurt, and the realities of life just yet.

When did growing up become so hard_

I remember pretending we were queens of the ocean, and mermaids who explored the deep sea to find hidden underwater cities. We had ambitions and dreams to be leaders, actors, teachers, and world changers. We pretended to be wonderful beings with a wonderful life, living out our biggest dreams, goals and ambitions. We had the world at our fingertips imagining anything and everything we have ever wanted. That was when life was good, easy. It was innocent, with no hurt, no pain, no people influencing you to be who they want you to be. It just was. And it was good.

When we were all children we played, we explored, we laughed, and we enjoyed life to its fullest. We had a childlike faith that was unshakable. We all believed in ourselves, our abilities, and our aspirations.

When did the world take those beliefs away? When did life become the daily to-do lists, or the anxieties, the worries, or the pressures of measuring up to the world’s standards and the opinions of others? 

I think in some aspect or another everyone has confronted this loss of innocence as we grow up and face the realities, disappointments and pain that life may inflict upon us. We each have these images of the person we want to be in our heads. That “ideal” being and “ideal” life we wish to live. We strive to be that perfect person that is good enough, smart enough, and CAN do everything that our real selves lack. We each strive to become that person, to do what it takes to change ourselves into this perfect version of who we are.

we will never be perfect

The reality is we will never measure up to that “ideal” version of ourselves. We will never be perfect. When we think we finally have one part of ourselves mastered, there will be another area to perfect, to work on, to strive towards, and this is OKAY.

I am not sure what path of life you may be on right now or the struggles you may be facing. Maybe you are struggling to find that perfect, suiting job. You are trying to change yourself to fit into the mold of the career path you chose; attempting to  perfect each quality to match the ideal job resume for the career you have chosen to pursue .

Maybe you are trying to live up to the perfect standards of parenthood, competing with all other parents around you, listening to the type of parent you should be, or what you should not do for your child.

Or maybe, you are listening to the opinions of others way too much, pleasing people rather than honoring yourself or your own choices. Maybe you are listening too much to the voices of those who tell you who you are, who you are not, and who you should be. You try to measure up to their worth, their standard, and come to find you let them down or fail every time you try to mold yourself to their ideals of who you are.

In actuality, we are imperfect beings trying to live in a society that pushes its standards of perfection on each one of us.

The truth is we are all unfinished, and imperfect. 

But let me tell you a little secret, by God’s grace, and perfection, our imperfections are made whole. What this means, is through our creator’s perfect eyes and love for us, he choose to create us as imperfect beings. It is through our imperfections we reflect what it really means to be human, to be flawed, to need a God who is loving and perfect in His entirety and covers our imperfections with His forgiveness, and His love. Thus, we do not have to live up to this standard of perfection we place on ourselves. We do not have to struggle, or try to be this “ideal” “perfect” version of who we want to be. Our worth is not measured on what others think of us, the amount of items we check off on our to-do list, our accomplishments, our failures, our struggles, or even our flaws.

god imperfections

 

Our worth is measured by who we are IN our IMPERFECTIONS. The unfinished versions of ourselves. 

I have this sweatshirt from one of my favorite Christian bloggers, Jordan Dooley, it says “your brokenness is welcome here.” Every time I wear it I remember I do not have to live up to these ideals of perfection. I do not have to continue to expend my energy trying to fix every little thing that is wrong with myself and my life. Instead, I can focus on God’s grace and love that covers my imperfections and my brokenness. I can focus on being the kind of woman God wanted me to be- kind, caring, passionate, loving, happy, excited for life. I can live a life of joy, happiness, and have that child-like faith and innocence like I had when I was younger. Life will still have its struggles, and its pain, but I know I don’t have to try so hard to be perfect, to be accepted, or to be who others want me to be, because I am already accepted, I am already loved, by a God who embraces me for the imperfect mess that I am.

 

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Whether you believe in God or not, trying to live up to the standards of society and the daily stresses of trying to be perfect, or enough for this world can weigh on you.

So instead of trying  to focus on perfecting  every aspect of who you are, or what you want your life to look like, love yourself in your imperfections, and the places where you are at in this moment of time. Go back to that little child inside of you, find him or her, the innocence, the happiness, the childlike faith and focus on living a life that brings out joy, happiness and love. Live in the imperfect moments, and accept the flaws you have, while striving not for perfection of those flaws, but of being a work in progress. Work hard to accomplish your dreams and goals, but know the imperfections and flaws do not define who you are.

You are unfinished and imperfect, a work in progress, and this is okay.

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God bless,

L. Blum

 

 

 

 

 

How to Confront the Fear of Change

how to confront the fear of change

 

I sat perplexed, gazing at the sea of clothing that surrounded me. Piles of jeans, shirts, shorts, sweatshirts, and hangers engulfed every square inch of my bedroom floor except the tiny circular area where I was sitting. Not to mention the mountain of shoes piled high on my bed.
Starring hopelessly at the disaster, I anxiously searched for a spot in my new closet to place a small pile of folded jeans. Where to put these? Where to put these? I asked myself, as I also wondered why I thought it would be a good idea to switch rooms for my last two semesters in college.
A day ago, my entire life up at school resided in a large bedroom placed in the basement of my college house (which was HUGE might I add). Now, with the influence of my parents, and fellow roommates, my living space was in shambles and significantly smaller.
You see, my parents thought it would be a good idea to “down size” all the items I collected up at college over the years to a smaller, more “manageable” room for my last year at school. I tend to get a little messy, and in my parents’ eyes a bigger living space for Lindsay means a bigger mess that THEY have to clean up.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about the “big” move from the basement to the upstairs strictly because in the last year I created a lot of memories in the room below. I had many life talks in that room, dance parties, cries over a boy who broke my heart, and many nights of dancing to music as I searched for the perfect outfit to wear for a night out on Main Street. This basement room held sacred memories from the year prior that are hard to let go of. Now, I am leaving all these memories behind to create new ones, in a new room, for my final year in college.
I think a lot of individuals can identify with this uneasy feeling when something in our lives is about to shift or change. This uneasiness can be a positive feeling, or a negative one.

confonting change
Maybe you are changing job titles, or changing the company you work for and you are afraid to leave the security of that familiar environment behind to face new conditions.
Maybe there is a major shift that is about to happen in your life like you just recently got engaged, married, or you are about to be a father or mother– you are excited, thrilled even, yet nervous to take on these new roles as a fiancé, husband, wife, mother, or father.

 

 

Or maybe you are like me; you are attending your final year of college, and feel slightly uneasy about leaving a place you made your home for so long. You are nervous, yet excited for the changes that are about to happen- graduation, finding a job, moving back home, or moving away.

 

 

 

change

 

 

Point is change can be scary, yet exciting all at the same time. We have the decision to fear the changes that are ahead or embrace the uncertainty that comes along with the change.

 

 

So how do we confront this fear of altering or adjusting our life plans and embrace the uncertainty of the future?

 

 

1.Understand and accept that there is a shift that is happening or about to happen in your life.

 

accept change

 

Sometimes we as individuals do not want to come to terms with the fact that our life is constantly rearranging itself. We like to ignore and turn a blind eye to the upcoming events that are about to take place or are happening right under our noses. I know personally, I am in denial with the fact that in about eight months I will have to be a “real person” living a “big girl” lifestyle. I will not be able to wake up at my leisure five minutes before I am supposed to, roll out of bed, throw on a sweatshirt and a pair of leggings, while walking out the door to attend class like all other college students my age do. I must understand and accept that this chapter of my life is sadly ending sooner than I think it is. As individuals we must accept that change comes and goes. In order to accept the uncertainty of the future, we must understand and accept that a shift is currently happening in our lives.

 

 

2. See change as an opportunity to grow into a new being.

 

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Change gives us an opportunity to reflect and acknowledge old ways of doing something, while also creating room for us as individuals to reinvent ourselves. Instead of facing change in a fearful or uncertain way look at this shift in your life as an opportunity to grow yourself into who you have always wanted to be. Think back on your past circumstances. What areas were you most successful in? What mistakes did you make? What areas did you fail in? Where could you improve? Think to yourself: how can I carry the knowledge from my past triumphs and tribulations into this next season of my life? You can choose to learn and grow through these times of change.

 

 

3. This is your moment. Own it.

 

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I have this agenda book that I got from HomeGoods while I was on vacation in North Carolina. I am usually really picky about the agendas I use for college. They must have the right amount of spacing so I can have enough room to write my daily activities and assignments in them. For some reason I really took to this agenda book because I thought it suited my mantra for the year. The book is a square pink agenda with gold lettering that reads “This is your moment. Own it.” On the bottom of the agenda a faint 2018 is etched in the same color as the agenda book itself. I think this is a saying that anyone can use when facing times of change in their life. No matter what you are going through, no matter what your past looks like, or what you hope your future will be, right here, right now, this moment is yours, embrace it, own it, and be confident in it. Embrace the change that is thrown at you, and all the feelings that go along with it. It is okay to be afraid of what will happen, it is okay to be anxious, or nervous, but own the fact that this life, these changes that are occurring are happening and will continue to happen throughout your lifetime. Own where you are at and be bold with your decisions when facing change, and new circumstances

 

 

So readers with that, I challenge you to embrace the moment, embrace the change, and embrace whatever season of life you are in- fears, anxieties, uncertainties and all. Do your best to face the future with confidence and boldness as you move into this next stage or chapter of your life.

 

 

 

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God bless,
L.Blum