Unfinished: When You Feel like You are Not Good Enough.

UNFINISHED_ when you feel like you are not good enough

 

I gazed inquisitively at the waves as they crashed one after another on the solid, sandy shore. In front of the place where I was sitting, two young girls were laughing, screaming and jumping in the water. Their playful screams echoed through the roar of the ocean as  each wave came crashing at their feet. I giggled to myself at their innocence and thought for a second, when did growing up become so hard? 

I observed the two young girls laugh and enjoy life without a care in the world and it brought me back to memories when my sister and I stood in their shoes. I remember sitting on these very beaches in North Carolina at their age, running, jumping, dancing in the sun with my sister. We were so little and so innocent. The world did not touch us with pain, hurt, and the realities of life just yet.

When did growing up become so hard_

I remember pretending we were queens of the ocean, and mermaids who explored the deep sea to find hidden underwater cities. We had ambitions and dreams to be leaders, actors, teachers, and world changers. We pretended to be wonderful beings with a wonderful life, living out our biggest dreams, goals and ambitions. We had the world at our fingertips imagining anything and everything we have ever wanted. That was when life was good, easy. It was innocent, with no hurt, no pain, no people influencing you to be who they want you to be. It just was. And it was good.

When we were all children we played, we explored, we laughed, and we enjoyed life to its fullest. We had a childlike faith that was unshakable. We all believed in ourselves, our abilities, and our aspirations.

When did the world take those beliefs away? When did life become the daily to-do lists, or the anxieties, the worries, or the pressures of measuring up to the world’s standards and the opinions of others? 

I think in some aspect or another everyone has confronted this loss of innocence as we grow up and face the realities, disappointments and pain that life may inflict upon us. We each have these images of the person we want to be in our heads. That “ideal” being and “ideal” life we wish to live. We strive to be that perfect person that is good enough, smart enough, and CAN do everything that our real selves lack. We each strive to become that person, to do what it takes to change ourselves into this perfect version of who we are.

we will never be perfect

The reality is we will never measure up to that “ideal” version of ourselves. We will never be perfect. When we think we finally have one part of ourselves mastered, there will be another area to perfect, to work on, to strive towards, and this is OKAY.

I am not sure what path of life you may be on right now or the struggles you may be facing. Maybe you are struggling to find that perfect, suiting job. You are trying to change yourself to fit into the mold of the career path you chose; attempting to  perfect each quality to match the ideal job resume for the career you have chosen to pursue .

Maybe you are trying to live up to the perfect standards of parenthood, competing with all other parents around you, listening to the type of parent you should be, or what you should not do for your child.

Or maybe, you are listening to the opinions of others way too much, pleasing people rather than honoring yourself or your own choices. Maybe you are listening too much to the voices of those who tell you who you are, who you are not, and who you should be. You try to measure up to their worth, their standard, and come to find you let them down or fail every time you try to mold yourself to their ideals of who you are.

In actuality, we are imperfect beings trying to live in a society that pushes its standards of perfection on each one of us.

The truth is we are all unfinished, and imperfect. 

But let me tell you a little secret, by God’s grace, and perfection, our imperfections are made whole. What this means, is through our creator’s perfect eyes and love for us, he choose to create us as imperfect beings. It is through our imperfections we reflect what it really means to be human, to be flawed, to need a God who is loving and perfect in His entirety and covers our imperfections with His forgiveness, and His love. Thus, we do not have to live up to this standard of perfection we place on ourselves. We do not have to struggle, or try to be this “ideal” “perfect” version of who we want to be. Our worth is not measured on what others think of us, the amount of items we check off on our to-do list, our accomplishments, our failures, our struggles, or even our flaws.

god imperfections

 

Our worth is measured by who we are IN our IMPERFECTIONS. The unfinished versions of ourselves. 

I have this sweatshirt from one of my favorite Christian bloggers, Jordan Dooley, it says “your brokenness is welcome here.” Every time I wear it I remember I do not have to live up to these ideals of perfection. I do not have to continue to expend my energy trying to fix every little thing that is wrong with myself and my life. Instead, I can focus on God’s grace and love that covers my imperfections and my brokenness. I can focus on being the kind of woman God wanted me to be- kind, caring, passionate, loving, happy, excited for life. I can live a life of joy, happiness, and have that child-like faith and innocence like I had when I was younger. Life will still have its struggles, and its pain, but I know I don’t have to try so hard to be perfect, to be accepted, or to be who others want me to be, because I am already accepted, I am already loved, by a God who embraces me for the imperfect mess that I am.

 

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

Whether you believe in God or not, trying to live up to the standards of society and the daily stresses of trying to be perfect, or enough for this world can weigh on you.

So instead of trying  to focus on perfecting  every aspect of who you are, or what you want your life to look like, love yourself in your imperfections, and the places where you are at in this moment of time. Go back to that little child inside of you, find him or her, the innocence, the happiness, the childlike faith and focus on living a life that brings out joy, happiness and love. Live in the imperfect moments, and accept the flaws you have, while striving not for perfection of those flaws, but of being a work in progress. Work hard to accomplish your dreams and goals, but know the imperfections and flaws do not define who you are.

You are unfinished and imperfect, a work in progress, and this is okay.

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset
Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

God bless,

L. Blum

 

 

 

 

 

Breakthrough the Pain

Breakthrough The Pain3.jpg

Embrace the Rain

“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in that’s what the storm is all about” – HARUKI Murakami

 

I sit at my dining room table hunched over with tired eyes and a warm blanket draped around my shoulders. If you know me, you would know that the first thing I enjoy when I wake up is a nice brewed, hot cup of coffee. Cupping my frigid hands tightly around my blue mug, I allow the smell of my steamy, hot cup of “Joe” to bring me back to life from the sleeping dead.
Since I am not a morning person, it usually takes me a solid half hour to fully wake up my mind and body before I can move on with my day’s planned activities. I slumped my tired body onto the wooden dining room chair, and peered out of the large window to the right of me. I usually gaze out of the window in a zombie like fashion taking in the hustle and bustle going on in the world outside of my quiet, sleepy bubble. The activity of others somewhat inspires me to wake up and participate in life for the day.
The view outside my window on normal day contains several students walking to and from class, cars zooming by, and adults going for brisk walks around the neighborhood. I can mostly hear everything that occurs outside of my quaint, college house. I hear the laughing and talking of students in groups, or individuals talking on the phone to a friend or parent as they stroll on the sidewalk. Usually, the sun is shining reflecting off trees and cars as much activity occurs outside of this large window of mine.
Today, the world holds a ghost like scene. The only noises are the pitter patter of rain slightly knocking on the sidewalks, trees and houses of East Stroudsburg. All is quiet and grey; the sky is dark and gloomy.
Naturally, with any rainy day comes rainy attitudes, and I can be the first one to attest to this. Waking up was harder than usual, and I had not one ounce of motivation to do all the activities I was required to do. Sitting in my chair, peering out of the window into the dreaded, wet, outside world listening to the constant flow of rain falling from the sky slightly relaxed me a bit. Listening to the slight tapping of droplets against the window eased me as a thought came into my head.
Sometimes the rain can be beautiful.
Watching the way the rain danced off of trees, sidewalks, and streets, drenching, no cleansing everything in its sight gave me peace and hope for some reason. I sat dry like a desert wrapped in warmth as I marveled at this new found beauty. The rain brought me peace, clarity and closure.

 

 

IMG_3107
I sat and thought for a moment.
How often do I wish dark, rainy days didn’t exist? The answer is a lot. I much rather have a day with the sun kissing my face and the sky bright, clear and blue above me. Who wouldn’t prefer this?

 
Scientifically speaking the rain is needed for growth, and life. Without rain, nothing would grow, thrive and survive.
In the same way rain is needed for the environment to survive, we too need the “rain” and “storms” of life to help us grow and thrive.
If we do not go through these stormy moments of life there would be no sunny, happy days. The rain, if we allow it, can cleanse us causing us to change into beautiful beings.
I think all of us could use a little reminder that even though rejection and bad situations may occur, it is in the pain of these situations that transform us into the individuals we are supposed to become.

 

 

embace the pain
This is something that I have come to learn over the course of this entire year. Both this semester and last have been two of the hardest semesters I have had yet throughout the duration of my college career. Everything about this last year has been hard, from my school work, to my extra activities outside of classes, and finally in my personal life. There have been plenty of times in this last year that I have had my head, face first in a pillow crying hysterically over some aspect of my life. You know the really ugly type of cries? The ones where you can barely breathe and they leave you exhausted from the amount of energy you dispose? Yeah… I have had a record amount of them this year.
BUT, what I have learned from these moments of complete weakness was that those moments served their purpose. The questioning, thinking, and doubting during the times where I have completely broken down in turn strengthened me. They have cleansed me from the inside out. Sure, what I was going through did not make any sense at the time, but standing back and looking at those moments of weakness has shown me that the situations that caused those breakdowns were needed to make me stronger. They helped me to rebuild myself back up piece by piece even stronger than before that situation and that breakdown occurred.
So why must the rain fall so hard that it creates such a gloomy, yucky day? Why must pain, rejection, and hurt even exist in our lives?
I believe everything that happens in our lives transform us into the people we are meant to become. Every bad situation that occurs does indeed make us stronger and wiser and put us on the pathway to life that we are supposed to be living if we allow it to. Pain creates growth, and life.
Every sting that comes from rejection is teaching us that we do indeed need pain, and hurt just as much as we need joy and happiness to feel alive.

 

There is beauty in the pain we feel that comes from rejection. This pain puts pressure and stress on our bodies which in turn forces a transformation of some kind. Pain caused by rejection molds individuals and allows each person who feels it to piece themselves back together in their own way, separately from all of those who have hurt them.

embrace the rain2 .jpg

It is a wonderfully, creative and liberating process when we allow the pain or storms to transform us into the people we are meant to become.

 

That is why the rain is beautiful. The rain removes all the dirt and grime in our lives to make room for a beautiful, thriving individual.

So readers, instead of hating the storm, embrace the rain as well as the pain. Accept it, and let it cleanse you. Relax and listen to the pitter patter, as we all know after a storm, a beautiful rainbow shines through the clouds.

 

IMG_3463

God bless,
L.Blum